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The Art of Cold Approach Pt 1. Now that Nerdi Gras is over and we’re all coming back down from the sensory overload and What- The- Fuckery of all of the panels (Age of Ultron? Zorro Full Movie Part 1 on this page. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?), it’s time to get back to the business of improving your social life and meeting new people. While there are many, many ways of doing this – online dating, joining an amateur sports team, taking continuing education classes or finding like- minded groups on meetup. Cold approaches are when you’re meeting someone you have no social connection with; unlike with a warm approach, you’re meeting a complete and total stranger without even the “friend- of- a- friend” buffer to ease your way.

It can be intimidating. It can be ball- shrinkingly terrifying at times. You’re going to feel like you’re putting your entire self- worth into somebody else’s hands.

Don’t mind us. We’re just quietly judging everything about you. And it is totally worth it.

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The Value of Mastering Cold Approach. So here are some tough truths about making cold approaches: they can be difficult, especially if you’re trying to hook up that night.

You are essentially approaching a total stranger and trying to convince them that they would be interested in pursuing a relationship with you in a matter of hours. Warm approaches, on the other hand, involve meeting people you at least have some connection to, which can accelerate building rapport and lessen the chances of getting rejected or shot down right from the get- go. They’re demonstrably easier, especially if you’re even vaguely nervous about approaching people, because you’re already at least tangentially connected. So you might reasonably ask: why even do cold approaches at all? Well to start with: you’re not always going to have a social circle at the ready. If you’ve just moved to a new city, you’re not necessarily going to have that network of friends and friends- of- friends to introduce you to the people they know. In addition, your social circle may not be all that large or well connected; not everybody’s group of friends is going to be populated by super social extroverts who know dozens and dozens of people for you to meet.

For another, not everyone you’re going to be attracted to or want to meet is going to be within the expected six- degrees- of- separation that warm approaches bring. There will be plenty of times when you will find some hot stranger with no connection to your life – the girl who sits across from you in your Conversational Spanish class, the gorgeous woman with the pouty lips you see every week at Whole Foods, the cute bookworm browsing the Fantasy/Sci- Fi section of Barnes And Noble. Being able to go up and strike up a conversation with them means fewer missed opportunities to meet somebody awesome. Pop quiz, hot shot. You’ve been dreaming about her all semester, but you’ve never had a chance to introduce yourself before now. What do you do. WHAT DO YOU DO?

In addition, cold approaches are about more than just getting dates or trying to get laid. Being able to build relationships with strangers is a critical part of networking in general. To take a recent example: if you’re hoping to make professional connections at a convention, the place to do so isn’t on the con floor, it’s at the bars and parties after the con closes for the night. If you’re hoping to get Axel Alonso to read your pitch for a gritty reboot of Ultra The Multi- Alien, then you need to know how to start making friends with total strangers in a place where you have next to no social support. Just as importantly, however, is the fact that mastering cold approaches makes every other approach easier.

If you become skilled at building relationships with people you’ve never met before, imagine how much easier it’s going to be to charm the pants off (figuratively and literally) the cutie that your buddy’s been trying to introduce you to for months! Play your cards right and THIS COULD BE YOU! Step 1: The Opener.

The opener is the simplest, yet most stress- inducing part of a cold- approach. It’s very simple: you are looking for a pretext to start a conversation. That’s it. And yet this is the part that trips up people the most. Guys spend more time freaking out about what to say to women than almost any other aspect of the approach. I’ve lost track of the PUA forum threads, PDFs and books dedicated specifically to opening lines, looking for the “magical” opener that will “generate immediate intrigue and attraction in anyone you talk to”.“Unstoppable” openers, for all of the verbal linebackers you encounter at bars…In general, openers are divided into two different types: indirect and direct. Indirect: The indirect opener is a way of starting the conversation without directly indicating that you’re interested in someone sexually or romantically.

You are essentially coming up with a plausible excuse to talk to somebody besides the fact that you find them attractive. These tend to be somewhat easier for the shy or socially inexperienced; they’re lower- investment for both parties and allow for you to warm up to talking to somebody before moving the conversation towards a potential date. Indirect openers tend to be either the classic “opinion” opener – where you are soliciting a third- party’s opinion about a matter – or a situational or observational opener. These follow the same pattern: Question, rationale for asking, expanding on the story. The most famous is the “jealous girlfriend” opener: “Hey guys, my friends and I were arguing about something and we need an outside opinion: would you date somebody who’s still friends with their ex? Pause for reply] Check this out, so my buddy is still pretty tight with his ex- girlfriend. Like, they’re still friends.

And he’s got this box of little mementos and photos and crap – you know, like souvenirs from the past relationship. So one day his current girlfriend finds the box and just freaks out, she’s gotten crazy jealous about this. So now she’s demanding that he burn the box in front of her?

Like, do you think that’s reasonable?”Another popular one is the “bar fight” opener: Hey guys, did you see the fight outside? Pause for reply ] So check this out, these two dudes come barreling out the front door. I guess one of them hit on the other guy’s girlfriend or something because she’s on the street egging them on and shit? Like she’s really getting off on two guys fighting over her. Meanwhile, one of the guys is all “come at me, bro”, doing the whole chest- thumping pre- fight warm- up and – check this out – the other dude rolls up and just COLD- COCKS him.

Drops him with one punch with people yelling “YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT” and shit. Does that sort of thing happen all the time here? Because I’m totally going to have to leave if it does, I’m not going back to jail. The potential problem with indirect openers is that… well, they’re indirect.

You can easily spend a lot of time talking to someone who is otherwise unavailable but doesn’t bring it up because she thought you were just being friendly rather than actually trying to flirt with her. Watch Chop Shop Online Facebook there. The other problem is that it’s really easy to get stuck on the opener. If you’re already shy or dealing with approach anxiety, it can feel comfortable to stick with the conversation you already have going on instead of trying to shift gears… and as a result, your interaction ends up going nowhere. You have to be willing to cut a conversational thread and move on to an actual conversation if you go indirect.